Read The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity by Scott Haltzman Online

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Along with changes in the workplace and the explosive growth of electronic communications, there has been a skyrocketing rate of infidelity. Today, up to forty percent of American marriages endure the pain of a cheating partner. The media is filled with stories of married politicians finding their "soul mates" and titillating instances of unfaithful celebrities. But in theAlong with changes in the workplace and the explosive growth of electronic communications, there has been a skyrocketing rate of infidelity. Today, up to forty percent of American marriages endure the pain of a cheating partner. The media is filled with stories of married politicians finding their "soul mates" and titillating instances of unfaithful celebrities. But in the homes of ordinary people everywhere, infidelity triggers complex emotions and events that affect everyone involved. Many marriage and personal therapists have adopted a "me first" mentality, prompting hurt spouses to end their relationships. Psychiatrist Scott Haltzman, retired Brown University professor, recommends exactly the opposite. The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity teaches both the victim and the perpetrator of infidelity how to acknowledge their feelings, reduce their sense of despair, and begin the difficult task of rebuilding a strong relationship.People who cheat act much like those who have other addictions, and brain scans of love-struck individuals show a dramatic increase in the release of dopamine, the same brain neurochemical associated with cocaine abuse. Haltzman does not excuse infidelity by labeling it a sex addiction; it’s not orgasm that drives a partner to cheat. Instead, Haltzman coins the term "flame addiction" to describe how, like a moth drawn to the light, people feel compelled to have extramarital intimacy despite all the negative consequences.People who have been cheated on feel shame, rage, and injured self-esteem. Many of them fear abandonment and find it hard to cope. When both partners have made a commitment to move forward together, however, Dr. Haltzman validates each person's feelings and puts them into perspective, offering sound advice on how to recover their equilibrium and reestablish a committed, trust-filled relationship....

Title : The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity
Author :
Rating :
ISBN : 9781421409412
Format Type : Hardcover
Number of Pages : 312 Pages
Status : Available For Download
Last checked : 21 Minutes ago!

The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity Reviews

  • Tonya
    2019-02-20 07:58

    I read this book a bag of chips.. I couldn't get enough of it. Now, I am not with a partner that cheats but I used to be.And you see it all the time. What a great wealth of information. You MUST read this book.. Now, really if both aren't going to work on things it won't work, but this book isn't for that. It is for rebuilding.Along with changes in the workplace and the explosive growth of electronic communications, there has been a skyrocketing rate of infidelity. Today, up to forty percent of American marriages endure the pain of a cheating partner. The media is filled with stories of married politicians finding their "soul mates" and titillating instances of unfaithful celebrities. But in the homes of ordinary people everywhere, infidelity triggers complex emotions and events that affect everyone involved. Many marriage and personal therapists have adopted a "me first" mentality, prompting hurt spouses to end their relationships. Psychiatrist Scott Haltzman, retired Brown University professor, recommends exactly the opposite. The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity teaches both the victim and the perpetrator of infidelity how to acknowledge their feelings, reduce their sense of despair, and begin the difficult task of rebuilding a strong relationship.People who cheat act much like those who have other addictions, and brain scans of love-struck individuals show a dramatic increase in the release of dopamine, the same brain neurochemical associated with cocaine abuse. Haltzman does not excuse infidelity by labeling it a sex addiction; it’s not orgasm that drives a partner to cheat. Instead, Haltzman coins the term "flame addiction" to describe how, like a moth drawn to the light, people feel compelled to have extramarital intimacy despite all the negative consequences.People who have been cheated on feel shame, rage, and injured self-esteem. Many of them fear abandonment and find it hard to cope. When both partners have made a commitment to move forward together, however, Dr. Haltzman validates each person's feelings and puts them into perspective, offering sound advice on how to recover their equilibrium and reestablish a committed, trust-filled relationship.

  • Ebony
    2019-03-06 12:19

    Haltzman, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, is everywhere. Lots of press. Lots of public appearances. He has a great message. He can save your marriage. He’s admittedly promarriage, and if you’re willing to do the work, he can help you rebuild the trust lost because of infidelity. But let us be clear, it’s going to be a whole lot of work. At times I was belabored just reading the book. There so many steps and strategies. On the other hand, if you’re in the midst of the storm, these steps and strategies can lead you to safety. He can tell you why people have affairs and what to do once an affair has been exposed. There’s an interesting chapter on flame addiction—people who are addicted to an affair, how it happens and what to do about it. There’s also no blame game here. At times, I thought he offered too much sympathy for the perpetrator but the book is written for both sides. There are also good tips for a happy relationship in general but you really only need to read the last three chapters for that. His writerly voice is soothing and wise. He’s not just on a press junket. After reading, I believe he really does believe in marriage and he believes you can save yours if you want to.

  • Loriann Oberlin
    2019-02-19 12:55

    Scott Haltzman, M.D. has written numerous books on marriage, perhaps none needed as much as his latest "The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity." But throughout this review I'll try to stick with the term relationship because this book is equally suited to gay/lesbian couples as well as those heterosexual couples who are not married but have experienced triangles with an affair partner in their relationships.This is another of those books I've deemed so appropriate for today's couples that I have listed it on my private practice website www.loriannoberlin.com.Like many good authors, Haltzman defines infidelity with far-ranging scenarios because honestly, it's the definition in each relationship partner's mind that will have the most meaning. He helps the reader to discover this with his chapter on the topic.In the chapter titled "Why People Cheat," I felt Haltzman did a stellar job outlining the psychological and perhaps biological effects of the laws of attraction and its aftermath. Falling in love has been likened to a drug-like high. The cascade of hormones and neurochemicals becomes more like an onslaught. That chemical rush would indeed be hard for anyone to deal with -- the person in whose brain this occurs as well as the current relationship partner that may well become the victim of an affair."The brain reacts more strongly to something it's never been exposed to before, called novel stimuli by psychologists," Dr. Haltzman writes in his chapter titled "Giving the Nod to an Affair." As a psychiatrist, he outlines many reasons why disinhibition can occur from a psychiatric/diagnostic perspective -- but make no mistake -- he holds those who give the nod to having an affair accountable for their actions. As he should.Once an affair gets exposed, the author doesn't hold back here either: the affair must end. The book takes into account today's myriad of communication methods including cell phones, texting, instant messaging and social media such as Facebook. Haltzman discusses the real possibility of suicidal threats or acting out in which he gives proper instruction to notify authorities immediately with a call to 911. If you think that's the most difficult step, you'd likely be wrong. For the one whose partner has strayed, there are several suggestions he outlines that might even surprise that partner who is probably churning night and day with anger, at least for a while. That's tackled in his chapters on "Getting to the Heart of the Matter" and "Forgiveness.""What to Expect When You're Expecting a Happy Marriage" is a chapter for all couples. Here's my favorite quote:"Not only is there a marital problem in every marriage in which infidelity happens, there is a marital problem in every marriage in which infidelity DOES NOT happen. In other words, every marriage has problems....but I'm a firm believer that no matter how bad a relationship is, people who choose to go outside of marriage for intimacy, hold full responsibility for their actions." Another key component here is unmet expectations -- thus, read this chapter well. Rebuilding after infidelity and building a strong relationship in general finish out the rest of this book with practical suggestions and anecdotes that hit home how important it is to keep working on your relationship.One partner often lodges that "He doesn't listen," coupled then by the other saying "Nothing I do makes her/him happy." Haltzman goes on to explain the difference in communication that can foster this. In my own clinical practice, I've seen far too many cutoff couples who distance emotionally but also sexually. There are reasons to reject sex, but sexual intimacy is an essential part of healthy romantic relationships. The disconnection will be there obviously upon the discovery of infidelity, but I felt the author here helps couples to get past that block, outlining how physical touch itself often reduces stress and lowers blood pressure. Read on for more information.Affairs and infidelity is life-changing, but these do not necessarily mean that marriage or relationship stopping. Highly recommending this book!

  • Teresa
    2019-03-18 08:01

    So far most of the things he's said make a lot of sense. None of it applies to me directly and I think a lot of the things he calls cheating are ridiculous (any physical contact, even accidental, with someone attractive? I don't think so), but it's interesting.