Read the gifts of imperfection let go of who you think you re supposed to be and embrace who you are by Brené Brown Lauren Fortgang Online

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4 hrs and 42 minsIn The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown, a leading expert on shame, authenticity, and belonging, shares 10 guideposts on the power of Wholehearted Living - a way of engaging with the world from a place of worthiness. Each day we face a barrage of images and messages from society and the media telling us who, what, and how we should be. We are led to beli4 hrs and 42 minsIn The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown, a leading expert on shame, authenticity, and belonging, shares 10 guideposts on the power of Wholehearted Living - a way of engaging with the world from a place of worthiness. Each day we face a barrage of images and messages from society and the media telling us who, what, and how we should be. We are led to believe that if we could only look perfect and lead perfect lives, we'd no longer feel inadequate. So most of us perform, please, and perfect, all the while thinking, "What if I can't keep all of these balls in the air? Why isn't everyone else working harder and living up to my expectations? What will people think if I fail or give up? When can I stop proving myself?" In The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown, Ph.D., a leading expert on shame, authenticity and belonging, shares what she's learned from a decade of research on the power of Wholehearted Living - a way of engaging with the world from a place of worthiness. In her 10 guideposts, Brown engages our minds, hearts, and spirits as she explores how we can cultivate the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, "No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough," and to go to bed at night thinking, "Yes, I am sometimes afraid, but I am also brave. And, yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable, but that doesn't change the truth that I am worthy of love and belonging."©2010 Brene Brown (P)2010 Audible, Inc....

Title : the gifts of imperfection let go of who you think you re supposed to be and embrace who you are
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ISBN : 24856087
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Number of Pages : 401 Pages
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the gifts of imperfection let go of who you think you re supposed to be and embrace who you are Reviews

  • Ed McKeogh
    2019-03-08 04:54

    I've read more than my fair share of "self-help" literature, so I can assert with conviction that this is not a self-help book. Instead, it's a revelation book. Each chapter triggered numerous "ah-Ha!" moments for me, because Dr. Brown goes a step (or two, or five) beyond the common way of looking at or framing an issue to reveal the interconnectedness of elements that stall or sabotage our efforts to live a more satisfying life. Instead of the "that doesn't quite resonate" vibe I often get from self-help books, Dr. Brown's perspectives ring true, and she re-labels certain attitudes and experiences in a way that's both startling and, importantly, hopeful. She gleans her insights from her research centered on living a "wholehearted" life, which grew out of her previous (perhaps ongoing?) study of "shame." The results that Dr. Brown presents in this slim, readable book are nothing short of fascinating, and they function not as a how-to manual for quickly fixing an out-of-balance life, but as a set of powerful tools with which to cultivate a richer, more fully engaged and connected life.

  • Bdalton
    2019-03-03 23:56

    I read this book after watching Brown's TED talk on vulnerability. The TED talk was shown as the last exercise for a leadership class at work. The talk was intriguing and I wanted to know more. Also, I noted that many of the comments regarding this fairly brief talk were often negative. I found the talk inspiring so I wanted to see if there was any validity to the negative comments.The question that I had in my mind was why was this shown at work? Does Brown suggest that people should be vulnerable with everyone or in a work place environment? In order to be a leader, does she believe that it is necessary to be vulnerable? Upon reading this book, I believe that Brown is asserting that it is necessary to be vulnerable, but only to those who are truly part of your support network. On page 47 of the book, she writes "Our stories are not meant for everyone. Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share: "Who has earned the right to hear my story?" If we have one or two people in our lives who can sit with us and hold space for our shame stories, and love us for our strengths and struggles, we are incredibly lucky. If we have a friend, or a small group of friends, or family who embraces our imperfections, vulnerabilities, and power, and fills us with a sense of belonging, we are incredibly lucky." She also says people with high levels of shame resilience "reach out and share their stories with people they trust." She also provides a little bit of information about her breakdown/spirtual awakening and says "During the breakdown, I needed help. I needed support and handholding and advice. Thank God! Turning to my younger brother and sisters completely shifted our family dynamics. I gained permission to fall apart and be imperfect, and they could share their strength and incredible wisdom with me." So while Brown discusses the need to be able to receive help, she specifically says that is okay to be selective, and tells us that she selected her family to be her support network when she was facing a crisis.I was also curious how Brown defines authencity. Brown, a struggling perfectionist, defines authenticity as "the daily practice of letting go of who we think we're supposed to be and embracing who we are." Embracing who we are means accepting that we are not perfect, loving ourselves for who we are, and seeking meaningful connection. She talks about wholehearted living and says that people when overwhelmed, should DIG (Deliberate in their thoughts and behaviors through prayer, meditation, and stating their intentions; be Inspired to make new and different choices, and get Going. They should take action). She also talks about the idea of judging whether or not another person is authentic and comes to the conclusion that this is not a trait that people have or don't have - it is a practice of how we want to live. She doesn't bridge the gap between others judgments of our authenticity and being truly authentic and discuss how there can be a “disconnect”.Brown covers a lot of different topics rapidly. In her TED talk, she talks about being a researcher and a detail-oriented kind of person, so I thought that I would find more factual information. This book doesn't really have that but provides a good list of references in the back. Instead, this is a good refresher to ideas that many of us already know (and practice with a varying degree of success and persistence) - e.g., be mindful, seek connection, look for meaning, be grateful, experience joy. But, sometimes we all need an inspiring reminder to live our lives fully, and this book satisfies that need.

  • Lara
    2019-02-28 01:43

    You may have noticed a theme in my last couple posts. I'm rundown, overwhelmed and I realize that, while my priorities are right in my head, they aren't in reality. So the book I'm reviewing today really came at a perfect time in my own personal crisis. In fact, as I was reading along yesterday (yes, I totally procrastinated reading it due to other books taking up my precious little reading time) I thought to myself, "This book could be companion material for President Uchtdorf's talk at conference!" (I'm making President Uchtdorf's talk my personal touchstone until I really get it, by the way.)(Because I really don't get it yet.)I devoured this book, pen in hand, and marked up much more than I usually do in any book. Starting with the very first paragraph of the introduction: Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It's going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid but that doesn't change the truth that I am worthy of love and belonging.Seriously, I sat there staring at that paragraph for a full ten minutes as I let it sink in. How did the author know? How did she know that I equate my full plate--how much I get done in a day--to my self worth? How did she know how afraid I am to show my weaknesses (especially the weaknesses I haven't fully embraced yet)? How did she know that I often don't feel loved? Or that I don't feel like I really belong anywhere? How did she know?And it dawned on me that maybe we all feel like this to an extent. And yet, I watch others and I am sure, absolutely sure, that they know something about living that I don't. And maybe they do...maybe they've figured out the secret that it's okay to be imperfect. But maybe they haven't.The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brene Brown is a book we all need to read. I admit, that whole thing about Who I Am vs. Who I Am Supposed to Be gets me every time. I think it's a fine line between embracing things I shouldn't embrace and being okay with where I am right now. I think that I should strive to be better, and maybe Who I Am is not good enough. So, I admittedly bristled a bit at the subtitle there.But then, like I said, I read that first paragraph, and I realized it wasn't like that at all. This is learning to let go of the unnecessary shame we carry around that says we don't measure up. It doesn't mean we can't strive to become better. In fact, I think if we can let go of the shame by embracing our imperfections, we will actually become better faster. We will become more courageous. More compassionate. More connected.The book is divided into 10 "guideposts" that can help us let go of unhealthy traits and embrace new, healthier ones. I particularly need to re-read Guidepost #7 "Cultivating Play and Rest: Letting Go of Exhaustion as a Status Symbol and Productivity as Self-Worth" and Guidepost #9 "Cultivating Meaningful Work: Letting Go of Self-Doubt and 'Supposed To'" because sitting in my inbox right now are three e-mails that I really need to reply to. And the reply needs to be "No." But you have absolutely no idea how much anxiety even the thought of telling somebody I can't do something gives me. It's absolutely ridiculous!I had more insights into myself while reading this book than I have had in a really long time. Shameful really. But I will own my weaknesses. You'll see.Starting right now.

  • Dani (The Pluviophile Writer)
    2019-03-05 00:34

    Update: This book changed my life. Dramatic as it sounds, it's true. I wrote this on Brené's Facebook page:"Brené,I've just about finished your book "The Gifts of Imperfection" which I discovered after watching you speak on TED talks and I can honestly say that this book is helping me completely change my life. I suffer(ed) from a condition called Dermatillomania (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dermatil...) and I've tried everything from therapists, medication and herbal supplements to help manage the condition. While I have been able to make substantial progress with it I ultimately I have relapses which used to be extremely damaging to my confidence my emotional health and physical appearance. I was my worst enemy and I could beat myself up relentlessly. Everything that I was doing wasn't helping me deter the triggers which caused me to pick my skin and this book has made everything so clear to me. I knew that I needed to be nicer to myself and change the expectations that I had for myself which all evolved around perfectionism but I had no idea how or even why I had these ideas and beliefs in the first place. Your book has helped me feel worthy again and that the root of my beliefs wasn't because I was completely crazy or extremely mentally ill and for this I cannot thank you enough.I've found that a lot of people who suffer from this disorder have no sense of self worth and are unable to practice self-compassion. I'm on a few support groups on Facebook and I've done nothing but praise your book and push people within the group to read it. I've learned that no amount of medication or even therapy can change your inner thoughts, or gremlins as you term it, and that it does need to be practiced. I've be trying to tell those in my support group that beating themselves up has not worked thus far so it's time for them to try another tactic! Practicing compassion for themselves. While I know that I cannot completely rid myself of my condition I do know that I can control how I feel about it and how I treat myself in regards to it with the help of your work. I will continue to spread your work through the Dermatillomania community in hopes that your teachings will spread faster than the negative ones that currently occupy that space and help sufferers live more Wholehearted lives. Thank you. Truly. Sincerely,Danielle"~~~~~~~~~~~I saw Brené Brown talk on TED talks (http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_...) and she really spoke to me. I had to hear more of what she had to say. I'm a struggling perfectionist who doesn't want to feel vulnerable or weak and I want to know how to accept these feelings into my life so that I don't feel frustrated and angry about them. Looking forward to reading this book!

  • Khadidja
    2019-03-25 03:34

    She makes it feel and seem so easy!the main message here is: Let go of your insecurities,expectations, shame, guilt, discomfort. Happy people are happy because they make themselves happy, they are the ones who think of themselves as worthy of love. you're IMPERFECT Embrace it. “Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.” “When I let go of trying to be everything to everyone, I had much more time, attention, love, and connection for the important people in my life.”“To love someone fiercely, to believe in something with your whole heart, to celebrate a fleeting moment in time, to fully engage in a life that doesn’t come with guarantees – these are risks that involve vulnerability and often pain. But, I’m learning that recognizing and leaning into the discomfort of vulnerability teaches us how to live with joy, gratitude and grace.” i disagree. feeling pain doesn't make you grateful or make you feel joy, it's hard to give EVERYTHING with no guarantee and nothing in return. it sucks. i loved most of this book but i disagreed with the author on some points, Great quick read! i highly recommend

  • Ann Lewis
    2019-02-28 07:59

    I had to mark this as read to get if off my list. Actually I had to abort the read. Just could not relate to a word of it at all. I feel like this author is speaking a different language. I have a hard time believing anybody really CARES that much about what others think about them. It's amazing to me. A Whole book telling you it's OK if you're not who someone wants you to be?? I feel like saying "GET A LIFE!"I also Really had trouble with the writing. This author reminds us on almost every single page about her vast research or of how "professional" she is. I got about half way through and still did not find a single citation or any sort of documentation of Any research. When someone says, "I researched that" and then does not show evidence of Any research, it's about as valid as saying "I found that online" and so it must be true. The author was way too busy telling us of all her accomplishments without ever telling us what Exactly She Did. Couldn't read another page. Had to abort. Sorry. Anyone out there want my copy? Please take it.A favorite Goodreads quote: “You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt

  • Anna
    2019-03-05 00:52

    I really like Brene Brown--she gave a terrific and funny TED talk about her research concerning the importance of vulnerability, of imperfection, of failure, and so I read her book. I think her thesis is superb, her research about shame and wholeheartedness really interesting, and the message of the book necessary to modern life. But! I can't help it. I hoped for a little more "perfectionism" in the writing (and structuring! of the book as a whole) which could have used another round or two of editing. (I'm sorry, Brene! Old habits die hard.) STILL, it is an important idea and worth reading.Two other wishes:1. That she included us in the process of her research. I'd like to see some examples and learn better or more directly how she drew her conclusions. Call me a geek. I like the science of it, and I think it would make for a more interesting read. 2. I think she might enlarge her audience. It felt to me as though the book were written for the privileged--those employed in demanding dream jobs with financial stability and intact families. Don't those down on their luck need help with turning failure into opportunity? Not all of the book felt this way, but some of it did. I also wasn't a fan of the religious element--she seemed to enlarge the discussion for people of all faiths/no faith and then in another part return to her own. Perhaps this was not entirely bothersome as it is written from her point of view, in her voice, but these inclusions felt a little narrow and even shallow at times.And, one last thing: I think a lot of self-help books are written for the spa set. I am not saying this book fits into that category entirely, but it feels like many do. After all, many people can't afford to scale back and are working several jobs just to buy orange juice and gas just now. (And health insurance? The cost of prescription drugs. And, good God, the student loan! And, foreclosures.) I read somewhere that the average income for a family of four is $40,000. Is that true? If it is, ! And, of course, too, many people are out of work or have work that in no way represents who they are because they have to have a job. So. ? Sometimes I think these books are a little out of touch. And, lack gratitude in fundamental ways: financial stability, a job of one's dreams. A roof over one's head. The ability to protect/feed/use preventative care/immunize etc. and educate and nurture one's children. Well. So, I have said it. And, perhaps it is unfair. It is not wrong to also think about oneself and to grow in important ways, no matter one's circumstances. But, one place that stood out to me in this text was a trip to the mall with her daughter, not having washed her hair and thrown it back with a headband I believe it was. There are some sparkling, clean women there with their children, and her daughter begins to dance to the music as they do in their kitchen at home, as a family. She decides not to allow the judgment of these women bother her and instead dances with her daughter to the music. On the surface, sort of sweet. Combatting the shame ? maybe? being messed up and dancing in public while people at least appear to think you are nuts (maybe they don't really and that is one's made-up fantasy, who knows?). BUT. I was thinking about another reader. What about the shame/vulnerability/feelings of failure or imperfection of not being able to afford a pair of shoes for one's daughter? And, apologizing to one's daughter walking by the women with shopping bags and children with new clothes? Or, not being able to go to the mall at all? Isn't it deeply fortunate to dance while shopping and return home with plenty or all one needs? hair unwashed or not? Still, I do think the central message of Brown's book is instructive and, as I said, important. But. ? I sometimes think these books lack a sense of perspective or proportion.

  • Carmen
    2019-03-20 04:46

    This book is basically meaningless and worthless to me.Not due to any fault on Brown's part, but simply because I do not need or want self-help books. She seems to be focusing on a reader that is obsessed with her own flaws or who is a perfectionist and self-hater. I am none of these things.I just found the book extremely boring. That being said, I did find two passages I liked:Shame loses power when it is spoken.True. Talking about what makes you a 'shameful person' really frees you and often helps you see that you are not alone.For example, research on the attributes that we associate with "being feminine" tells us that some of the most important qualities for women are thin, nice, and modest. That means if women want to play it totally safe, we have to be willing to stay as small, quiet, and attractive as possible.When looking for the attributes associated with masculinity, the researchers identified these as important attributes for men: emotional control, primacy of work, control over women, and pursuit of status. That means if men want to play it safe, they need to stop feeling, start earning, and give up on meaningful connection.True.

  • Matt Evans
    2019-02-28 03:54

    Listening to this book, I felt like I was being lectured to by the kind of person who concludes her cell-phone's voicemail with the word, 'namaste' -- a Hindi word that means 'I acknowledge the divine in you.' Actually, 'namaste" also signifies that its user knows an exotic Asian concept-word. (Total aside, but in my experience, chronic 'namaste' sayers tend to be impatient and prone to pedantic rages, when life hits them between the eyes with two-by-fours of difficulty and stress; I don't know why that is. Perhaps, like me, chronic 'namaste' sayers aspire to a higher way of life that is simply beyond their ability when they are in pain, and suffering.) Learn from me, says the word 'namaste,' let me guru you.Let me guru you. That’s the simplest way to understand Gifts of Imperfection. This is the kind of book that does two simultaneous, paradoxical things:One. Gifts of Imperfection offers hope. The hope of a little respite from the harsh, perfectionistic voice in your head that criticizes not only you but every living soul in your purview, and that seeks, simultaneously, to raise you above those whom you’re castigating and criticizing, including your very own self (which, when you consider it, is weird). That’s the first thing. And it's a good thing. Two stars for that, I say.Second. Gifts of Imperfection not too subtly points out that you've made a fecal mess of your life on life's carpet. The book then basically kind of grabs you by the back of your neck and pushes your nose down toward the mess; your nose hovers inches over the glistening pile, a pile the consistency of a very deep-brown chocolatey softserve, coiled, too, like softserve, and then says to you (i.e., the book does) Do Not Do That Again. But, being human, of course you're going to do it again. And when you do, expect the book to shove your nose down toward the mess again (which is highly adhesive, the pile is, and it threatens to stick).I felt relieved to be done with the book. It felt good to get out from under it and see the sunshine again.

  • Elyse
    2019-02-28 03:50

    Update: I thought this book was 'fair'. The structure of the chapters was too repetitive. Plus, more personal stories needed to be added to make the book feel more human. Yesterday I started listening to "Rising Strong" by this same author. I had no idea she was the same author as this book, nor did I know that this book, and "Rising Strong", is part of a trilogy. I highly doubt that it matters. I'm getting much more enjoyment - with Brene Brown's gentle kick in the ass messages from "RISING STRONG", than I did this book. RISING STRONG is not Elementary "Have You Life Work 101".... It's the advance course.....with some nitty-gritty-useful tips. If you are pissed as hell -- can't imagine facing your mother-in-law for all the free books in China... Listening to Brene speak to you ( reading her book )....will have you at least look much more closely at your own 'stops'. I'll write a review on "Rising Strong" once I'm done listening t the audio book...But in my opinion .. You do not need to read "The Gifts of imperfection", in order to graduate to "Rising Strong". Skip a grade ... (LISTEN TO), "Rising Strong", ... rather than 'read this' book. There are more stories & more empowering tools for your tool belt! OLDER REVIEW: I've owned this thin little book for many years. I stopped and started it many times. I kept it in the bathroom.. Maybe I'll read it there!So.., now, with tons of time on my hands to read..(home in my Pink leg cast)... I said to myself...."Ok, let's get serious"... So... I finally read this wisdom book ..."YOUR GUIDE TO A WHOLEHEARTED LIFE" Mostly.... I was bored! I think by age, (63 next week), I just don't need to spend a lot of time "Letting Go of Who I Think I Am to Embrace Myself". I was't crazy with the style of the chapters and the 'jargon/lingo'. For example, the author repeats herself ...over and over that when people are overwhelmed they should dig deep: DIG...(deliberate in their thoughts and behaviors through prayer, meditation, and stating their intentions; be inspired to make new and different choices, and GET GOING!). ...In other words take ACTION!That's all fine... And maybe I'm being cynical here, but to read that after every chapter... Is too predictable, two one dimensional, and just doesn't feel powerful after certain point. Also, I personally don't spend a great amount of time worrying what other people think of me,....( I mean it's nice to feel closeness - connections - and generally have people like you), but I don't go out of my way thinking about it one way or another. If anything... I love to notice what I adore about other people! I'm clear... By this age... I'm not trying to change anyone.. Nor am I asking for others to change me. I sincerely was trying to find a some value, since I was reading this book and there was one section that did standout to me:It was a section about "boundaries and compassion ". The author claims that a barrier to compassion is the fear of setting boundaries..... And holding people accountable. Understanding the connection between boundaries, accountability, acceptance, and compassion allows us to accept others - and ourselves more: the ways they are... no need to fix their problems... Nothing to blame...And rather than act 'sweet' on the outside.., but be bitter and resentful and on the inside, better to be kinder, but firmer, less angry.... And more accountability. This is particularly useful with parenting, and in business situations. Overall... This book wasn't awful...( of course not), yet... I didn't feel moved or inspired or transformed. 'Maybe'.... A little more validated on the ways I already live my life...(so this is not a bad thing). This book-- in the right hands-- at the right time- for the right person... Might be a perfect match! If more 'stories' about people's lives were included... I might have enjoyed reading this more!Always love a 'story!

  • Diane
    2019-03-18 05:34

    I had to read this for work, but even without the burden of assigned reading, I would not have liked this book. It feels slight, filled with padded stories about shame and vulnerability and the author's reaction to said shame and vulnerability. (And sometimes the author's reaction to her reaction to the shame. Sigh.)I shall now summarize the book's precepts: Feel Good About Yourself. Be Compassionate and Grateful. Blah blah Laugh Dance Love blah blah.The book is only about 130 pages and can be read in less than an hour, but I was still irritated about the time I spent on this. To be fair to Ms. Brown, friends have said some of her other books are better and more weighty. I have not read her other works, but I say you can skip this one.

  • Patty
    2019-03-24 23:42

    I am having a hard time writing this review, probably for two reasons. First of all, there is so much that I liked in this book that I know I will be reading it again. If the copy I read had been mine, I might have underlined most of the book.The second reason that I am struggling here is that I haven't done anything with what I have learned. I have now read two books by Brown; she has pointed out some things I need to be doing for myself and I am resisting following her lead. I know that being more shame resilient and paying attention to the person I am will be difficult and I just don't want to face the difficulties.On the other hand, I want to be who I am and stop striving to follow what other people say I am or should be. So, what is in The Gifts of Imperfection is really important to me. Brown says that owning our story is easier than running from it. I am still not sure I believe her.I recommend this book to those who are looking for a way to embrace where they are; to readers of self-help books for I think this is one of the best and I would like to figure out how to recommend this to some people at work.I am going to keep thinking about this quote,"The heart of compassion is really acceptance. The better we are at accepting ourselves and others, the more compassionate we become. Well, it’s difficult to accept people when they are hurting us or taking advantage of us or walking all over us. This research has taught me that if we really want to practice compassion, we have to start by setting boundaries and holding people accountable for their behavior."and hopefully reread this book soon. It is definitely worth my time and effort.

  • Hanne
    2019-03-03 04:43

    It’s true, I’m a sucker for social science research: the human mind just intrigues me like there is not tomorrow; and the emotional side even more so than the rational one. After accidentally seeing Brené Brown’s TED speech for a second time this week, I was intrigued enough to pick up her books. Unfortunately her book is nowhere near as exciting. First of all, for someone who claims to be an obsessive organizer, there is a remarkable lack of structure in her book. It seems more like a collection of blog posts than anything else, and near the end I started wondering what the topic of her book actually was. In her talks she is forced to distill and focus for 20minutes, but in the book her editor seemed to have let her run wild. And it’s a shame. She has a few really nice insights, but she gets stuck in trying to put everything into neat definitions, and the actual stories and research trends disappear in obscurity. I really couldn’t care less about her personal definition of joy versus happiness, I’d rather learn more about how it all happens between our ears.

  • Megankellie
    2019-03-16 07:35

    I read this after geeking out hard because of her TED talk. I think there is a certain point in some these books where you have to have a big fold out section that says in type as big as your face: DO YOU HAVE MONEY? and also DO YOU HAVE A FAMILY? and if you say no, the last 25% of the book will disintegrate or turn into dust. The first 75% was great, relevant, filled with good thoughts and information and quotable stuff. Then she gets to the "my husband's on call a lot" and "my kids dance in the kitchen" and "we all took a day off of work." So. There is a point in your life where this is perfect to read and makes sense and is relevant. There is another point where you feel like this is a beautiful woman complaining that her dates all go to long and the guys she meets love her too much and sometimes her chauffeur gets places too quickly. This is only the last 25%. Still. I cannot relate to it and maybe felt shamed? Who knows. Me. But whatever. I guess part of it is that the beginning is so universal, that you feel like the end is universal too, so if you don't relate to the end, you were kidding yourself about relating to the beginning you disgusting fatbag. Get injections OF SOMETHING.Also, I guess I'd like to hear the thoughts you have to fight to, say, dance with your kid in the kitchen, which I guess to me is comically bragging about a perfect family. Because I'm interested in what she has to conquer to do those things, and in the beginning I think it is clear what she's fighting. Also I think it is admirable not to eviscerate your family, but I guess it is weird to read a book so balanced about feeling insane and then is is all just flat positive about her husband and her children, who have to be annoying sometimes or she's leaving out "they are robots."Also the whole notion of "I couldn't have made it without my husband" kind of says to me "you can't make it" and also slips into "aww, someone chose you!" A, yes you could have made it. It would have been horrible and awful and maybe you'd have to have a degree of government assistance you were not banking on, I would guess. Or some totally unimagined part of the world and people, something, will open up to you. B, the whole idea that romantic partners are never annoying is a kind of pretend jail. My husband Terry and I talk about this all the time while he tidies up and I donate to charity. Here are titles I would like to find:"Am I a Dickhead?" Solving the Essential Question With the Only True Answer: "A Little Bit, But It's Okay."

  • Kelly
    2019-03-16 00:37

    In addition to reading West, I've also been into a lot of mindfulness books/stuff that's related to mindfulness lately, like this one. I found and really liked her TED talk by chasing down some references from Buddha's Brain, so I decided to read her book after that. Overall, I think a lot of her points are well-taken. I also liked that she reiterates constantly that all of her ideas are research and statistics based, not something she just, like, felt one day. I also give her props for being open with some off-putting behaviors of her own, that can't have been easy. Her shame research focus sounds fascinating. In the way of objections, I found her tone could be slightly more religiously inclined than I preferred, but she is careful to be open to all ideas about "spirituality", so I was ultimately fine with it. She could also get more than slightly fuzzy about the details after she got going- I didn't think the "taking action" portions of her writing were particularly helpful. But if you're struggling with perfectionism, feeling worthiness, experiencing status anxiety, or having any sort of stereotypical (but necessary!) soul-searching experience and realizing some stuff about yourself and needing some confirmation about what you're feeling, I definitely think this isn't a bad choice for a read. At least check out her TED talk, for sure. (BTW, if you want to be snotty and superior about me/anyone else reading a self-helpy book, first of all, BYE. But secondly, if you need something to give you a protective blanket of literary security and to not feel as vulnerable as Brown would encourage you to be, I would only remind you that your literary god DFW didn't think he was too good for them.: https://theawl.com/inside-david-foste... ) Below I'm just collecting a bunch of quotes that I want to remember for personal use. Should also give potential readers an idea about whether they'd like this:"It's impossible to practice compassion from a place of resentment. If we're going to practice acceptance and compassion, we need boundaries and accountability.""When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving it.... Now, I understood how I derived self-worth from never needing help, but always offering it.""Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never been greater than our level of self-acceptance.""We struggle to believe in our worthiness, so we hustle for it. The hustle for worthiness has its own soundtrack....'What will people think?' 'You can't really love yourself. You're not (fill in the blank) enough yet.' 'Who do you think you are to put your ideas/beliefs/writing out in the world'?""Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, act perfect, look perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment and shame. It's a shield... Perfectionism is not self-improvement. Perfectionism is, at its core, about trying to earn approval and acceptance. Somewhere along the way, we adopt this dangerous and debilitating belief system: I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it. Please. Perform. Perfect... It's terrifying to risk when you're a perfectionist, your self-worth is on the line... Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system... feeling shamed, judged and blamed (and the fear of these feelings) realities of the human experience. Perfectionism actually increases the odds that we'll feel these painful emotions.""Hope is not an emotion. It's a way of thinking or a cognitive process...made up of what Snyder calls a trilogy of goals, pathways and agency. Hope happens when we have the ability to set realistic goals, we are able to figure out how to achieve those goals, including the ability to stay flexible and develop an alternative route, and we believe that we can do it.""I've spent most of my life trying to outrun vulnerability and uncertainty. I wasn't raised with the skills and emotional practice needed to 'lean into discomfort' so over time I basically became a take-off-the-edge-acholic... It wasn't just beer and Marlboro lights of my youth that got out of hand- it was banana bread, chips and queso, email, work, staying busy, incessant worrying, planning, perfectionism and anything else that could dull those agonizing, anxiety-fueld feelings of vulnerability...We all numb and take the edge off. The question is does our (eating, drinking, spending, gambling, saving the world, perfectionism, sixty hour work week) get in the way of our authenticity? Does it stop us from being emotionally honest and setting boundaries? Are we using (fill in the blank) to hide or escape from the reality of our lives?""Calm: defined as creating perspective and mindfulness while managing emotional reactivity...Anxiety is extremely contagious, but so is calm.""It makes sense to me that the gifts of imperfection are courage, compassion and connection, because when I think back to my life before this work, I remember often feeling fearful, judgmental and alone- the opposite of the gifts. I wondered, 'What if I can't keep all these balls in the air?' 'Why isn't everyone else working harder and living up to my expectations?' 'What will people think if I fail or give up?' 'When I can I stop proving myself to everyone?'""Choosing authenticity and worthiness is an absolute act of defiance."

  • Bill
    2019-03-16 05:46

    I think I stumbled across this on Goodreads, thought it looked good and gave it a try. I stopped being a sucker for drugstore psychology, Oprah Winfrey, self help books many years ago but I fell off the wagon on this one. Don't get me wrong, there are many wonderful points in this read but looking for solutions to life's most challenging issues in an Oprah empire endorsed and marketed self help tome is a recipe for disappointment.That being said, the idea of true authenticity buried deep beneath a pile of shame and guilt resonated with me. Strong self esteem and the ability to embrace and accept myself for who and what I am have been lifelong struggles for me.I ended this book with some new perspectives on life and filled with hope that it is really okay to love myself ... interesting!

  • Iris
    2019-03-13 00:58

    Wat een fantastisch boek, precies wat nodig had! Bij sommige stukken had ik echt het gevoel alsof het voor mij was geschreven. Het leest niet als een typisch zelfhulpboek met praktische tips; de schrijfster deelt vooral persoonlijke verhalen en resultaten uit haar onderzoek (op een begrijpelijke/verhalende manier). Dat vond ik juist extra fijn en heel inspirerend. Doordat ze 'vage' begrippen die je op verschillende manieren kan opvatten goed uitlegt, maakt dat dingen ook voor jezelf veel duidelijker, merkte ik. Heeft veel raakvlakken met 'Self Compassion' van Kristin Neff (zij wordt ook nog genoemd in dit boek!) en die raad ik ook zeker aan om ervoor of erna te lezen. Dat boek geeft namelijk net wat meer diepgang en praktische tips over zelfcompassie, terwijl bij 'De moed van imperfectie' de focus wat breder is. De schrijfstijl van Brené Brown's boek leest wel stukken prettiger, niet zo zweverig. Aanrader!(1 punt aftrek omdat ze schrijft dat iedereen 'De Alchemist' moet hebben gelezen omdat het zó inspirerend is - toevallig had ik die net hiervoor gelezen en hier ben ik he-le-maal niet mee eens.)

  • Mike
    2019-03-10 00:58

    Brene Brown tries to distill her research and reporting what she found are the differences between "wholehearted" people and the rest of us running-scared-dogs. What she doesn't do is make it any easier for us to bridge the gap between where we are and where we'd like to be. She claims she made some serious attitude shifts through a year of intensive therapy, then wraps up each chapter with some easy (and unfounded in her research) platitudes and daily affirmations about "digging deep". Which are complete bullshit, only useful as tiny nudges once you've already crossed the chasm. Nobody leaps across the Grand Canyon with a push mower, they do it with a rocket-propelled vehicle. I guess I shouldn't be mad at the author - perhaps "your guide to a wholehearted life" shouldn't be construed as actual, practical, research-grounded techniques to start breaking down the walls of perfectionism and defensiveness. Maybe it's a guidebook for those who are already living a wholehearted life, rather than a map to help the rest of us navigate our way there. Like this: "Get Inspired...I'm inspired by this quote from writer and researcher Elisabeth Kubler-Ross: 'People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their beauty is revealed only if here is a light from within.' I really do believe the light that I saw within the resilient people I interviewed was their spirit. I love the idea of being 'lit from within'."Exactly what the hell am I supposed to do with that? Repeat this as a mantra multiple times a day until I've collapsed under the weight of its insipidness, and give in to Brown's Christian God (or her Abstinence and Twelve Steps)? Oh yeah, did you know that the researcher who's professing a release from the addiction of vulnerability is a twelve steps addict? AA doesn't get its power from releasing you from addiction - it just substitutes one addiction for another, and makes sure you don't have agency until you give up your agency and let some variation of 'God' own you.Gratitude notes?Faith and spirituality?Is this why this book was endorsed by Oprah Winfrey Network?This book didn't do what I wanted. I don't know that this means the book is shit, or my attitude is shit. But I'm betting on the former.

  • Froztwolf
    2019-03-17 03:45

    It is quite unfortunate how much the author seems to be stuck in the write style appropriate to blogs, because this book is horribly structured. Each of the chapters tackles a huge subject in a few pages. They have only a marginal connection to one another and there is no flow throughout the book, often leaving the reader confused. I say this is unfortunate not just because I spent my time reading the book, but because it contains a lot of good information based on the authors research. It contains all the advice you would need to forget about what others think and start living "wholeheartedly" as the other coins it. However, most chapters lack the depth of information to make her advice actionable. Like many other self-development authors she falls into the trap of focusing on what you need in order to have the life you want, but falls short in explaining how to attain those things. This book comes highly recommended if you don't mind modular chapters and shallowness of information that leaves you do to your own research. Some of the insights and research in the book more than make these 130 pages worth reading.

  • Raven
    2019-03-04 04:58

    I came to this book after watching Brown's TED talk on vulnerability and seeing this book mentioned elsewhere online. The messages of this book are so very important and they really spoke to me. The idea that we are worthy: "The greatest challenge for most of us is believing that we are worthy now, right this minute. Worthiness doesn't have prerequisites." Some of the prerequisites she mentions are "I'll be worthy when I lose twenty pounds," "I'll be worthy if everyone thinks I'm a good parent," "I'll be worthy when I can do it all and look like I'm not even trying." Yes! Living an authentic life: "Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of we we think we're supposed to be and embracing who we are." Wow! Of speaking honestly: "We're afraid that people won't like us if they know the truth about who we are, where we come from, what we believe, how much we're struggling, or, believe it or not, how wonderful we are when soaring." Yes, yes, yes! I see this a lot in the mommy community--all of these things, actually. She calls the goal Wholehearted Living, and I like that. When we see ourselves for who we are, when we strive because we have goals and dreams (and now because of what others will think), when we calm the storms of constant comparison and judgment, we can transform ourselves and our lives. I do wish she had gone deeper with each of her points, perhaps pointing out even more practical ways to apply her message. Overall, the writing was accessible and often humorous and I felt like this was something I really needed to read right now. I marked my copy up and plan on coming back to my notes often to remind myself to live more Wholeheartedly.One more for the road: "Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth (...) Perfectionism is not self-improvement. Perfectionism is, at its core, about trying to earn approval and acceptance (...) Healthy striving is self-focused--How can I improve? Perfectionism is other-focused--What will they think?"

  • EJ
    2019-03-06 06:03

    A little disclaimer: The title isn’t fair to this book. It gives the Illusion this is a self help book. In my opinion its more about human behavior and embracing the life you have.After watching a Brene Brown TEDtalk I purchased her most recent book, Daring Greatly. Her authenticity or pursuit of it, is what kept my attention.A lot of authors who write self-help oriented books frustrate me with the façade of perfection. You can just see the word “Namaste” ooze out of their pores. Their seemingly gentle demeanor and NPR voice irk me. “Come on, life isn’t THAT peaceful ALL the time! Do you even laugh?” It’s as though fear, frustrations and any kind of discomfort or human expression doesn’t exist in their world. If that’s true they aren’t human.Brene Brown makes it clear that her life is anything but perfect. She is one of the most relatable authors. The fact that she uses the word, “bullshit” only makes me love her more. Her authenticity comes through on each page. After 12 years of research and personal practice of her findings she now has written three books. This book isn’t so self-focused as it is outwardly focused. Loving others with boundaries, why we do what we do and how to change it. This book outlines an emotionally successful life. Most of the book just reiterated what I already know, however it was nice to read it in a fresh voice. This is the kind of book I hope falls into the hands of every teenage girl. How different growing up would be if kids let go of the “what I should be” to “who I am.”

  • Jeannine
    2019-03-04 06:34

    Some good points, but most of the suggested solutions are pretty obvious. (Relax, play, center yourself spiritually whatever that means to you, stop striving, do something creative, blah blah blah).It really annoyed me that she capitalized Wholehearted throughout the whole book. I would not be surprised to see a whole Wholehearted(tm) product line in stores soon. Journals! Notecards! Classes!Ah well. Whatever works for you.Cute slogans and catchphrases don't work for me. They turn me off. Is it worth reading? Sure. Can't hurt.

  • Bryce
    2019-03-07 05:34

    I felt that the author's writing and insights were somewhat disjointed and scattered. The book didn't flow well from beginning to end and has a serious drop off in relevance in the final chapters. I did think a lot of the advice was truly useful and important, but this information was given in small snippets amongst a large amount of other information which was less useful and not very helpful.It bothered me that throughout the book that the author kept talking about the years and years of qualitative research she had performed (the basis for all of her conclusions) and yet she does not include one single story, case study, interview, or even anecdote from all this research. Instead, only her personal stories serve to make her points. Sometimes they work and sometimes not so much. At each chapter I was hoping for more illustrative examples to help me understand the author's point.The author references a lot of other researchers and their work. Their conclusions were some of the more insightful parts of the book.I think that the book is just okay. It's a quick read that does a lot of meandering about while explaining some important topics. The advice given is generally good, but not entirely groundbreaking.

  • Betty
    2019-03-24 02:36

    A couple of general points that were interesting to consider--such as setting boundaries for yourself and holding people accountable for their behaviors. This means we should address specific actions by the people in our lives, not attack who they are. We often convince ourselves that someone is hateful or deserving of our dislike when what we really have issue with is a something they've done or some way they've behaved. However by failing to establish our own boundaries (or standards) we feel like we've been mistreated when these boundaries or crossed or we fail to hold others accountable for their misdeeds. The other point was the difference between fitting in and belonging. Each requires a different mindset or energy to deal with. For example there are places where we don't belong and we try to fit in. The act of fitting in means figuring out what you need to be in order to be accepted or to gain approval. To belong somewhere, you don't have to try all the time, you are free to be who you are which is a relief and a revelation.

  • Amalia
    2019-03-10 02:38

    You know books that come along at just the right time and really hit you where you are?Yep, this was one of those for me.The fact that this book helps provide a guide that is based upon research (well-designed qualitative research) is terrific; the science gives you the bigger picture of how this all works. My one challenge while reading it is that I wanted to simply devour it, read it all in one or two settings- something that doesn't work for a book like this that demands introspection if you're to get anything from it. The deliberate slowing, the conscious consideration of the "Guideposts" that are included...those are the experiences that made this a meaningful read for me.I recognize that it's not a book for everyone, but for those who think they're interested it's a must-read.

  • Cindy Rollins
    2019-03-27 06:57

    Good book with good reminders for me. For instance, I felt so silly for dancing at that wedding I attended, but Brene says I made the right choice.

  • Lisa
    2019-03-20 06:50

    Brene Brown is not the typical self help guru. "And you know how there are people that, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important that they surrender and walk into it? A. That's not me. B. I don't even hang out with people like that." When I heard Brown say this in a recent TED talk, I knew she was the struggling perfectionist I could take advice about letting go from. I find it much harder buy into life advice from someone who hasn't also completely effed it up like me. Her instincts to be mean instead of feeling hurt resonate. Unfortunately, I'm also like her in that I want the quick start guide and this book isn't it. She does that intentionally, instead emphasizing that the process of embracing imperfection is a constant struggle, a mindset, a way of living, and a bunch of other things that don't fit into a few quick strategies. I'm nearly finished with this and I suspect I'll need to read it another time before her ideas sink in. She shares several personal incidents that both entertain and effectively connect her to the reader, provided that you also view "letting go" as a "street fight."

  • Kathryn
    2019-03-02 07:50

    First sentence: Once you see a pattern, you can't un-see it.Favorite quote: Twinkle lights are the perfect metaphor for joy. Joy is not a constant. It comes to us in moments - often ordinary moments.This is my first Brené Brown book. She writes as though she is across the table from me and we are enjoying a cup of tea in the sunshine. She is warm and understanding knowing we are so alike and are all going through this life wanting to make it the best we can. She wants to help us learn how to do live a wholehearted life by sharing her personal stories and what she has learned in her research. My next thing to do is watch her Ted talk. I will definitely be reading more of her.2017 rereadI got so much more out of reading this the second time and had several ah ha moments. She walks her talk and wants the best for herself and all of us.

  • Gloria
    2019-03-11 23:46

    They say timing is everything.I think I picked up the WRONG book after just finishing a harrowing novel on Vietnam.It seemed vapid and navel-gazing, at best, after reading about these young kids being blown to bits.Okay, but timing aside, what I did skim over in here seemed so common sense already.And could have been summed up in one sentence.Be who you are.If you don't know who you are, you might have a problem which even this book won't help you answer.

  • Anne Bogel
    2019-03-14 02:50

    Brené Brown's books are must reads. I'd recommend beginning with Daring Greatly, but this would also be a fine place to jump in.