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Glory St. Clair loves soaking up Hollywood's vampire nightlife with her sexy Scottish lover, Jeremiah. Especially when she meets a vampire/ diet guru who promises to give her the body she's wanted for centuries. One problem: his clan and Jeremiah's are ancient enemies. But Glory's not about to let a stupid family feud come between her and slender bliss. Yet, she can't helpGlory St. Clair loves soaking up Hollywood's vampire nightlife with her sexy Scottish lover, Jeremiah. Especially when she meets a vampire/ diet guru who promises to give her the body she's wanted for centuries. One problem: his clan and Jeremiah's are ancient enemies. But Glory's not about to let a stupid family feud come between her and slender bliss. Yet, she can't help but wonder...how much is she willing to risk for her hips? And how much (and precisely "what") is she willing to lose? ...

Title : Real Vampires Hate Their Thighs
Author :
Rating :
ISBN : 9781101184837
Format Type : ebook
Number of Pages : 352 Pages
Status : Available For Download
Last checked : 21 Minutes ago!

Real Vampires Hate Their Thighs Reviews

  • Sophia
    2018-10-24 02:46

    DNF at 38 ppAlright, so I have a love-hate thing going with this series. The first book drove me nuts, but I decided to give the second book a go because there were elements that I really found appealing alongside the stuff that wasn't a hit with me. I was glad I gave it another chance because I ended up enjoying the next three, but this one? It returns to the bothersome stuff that I hated in the first book.Glory is a size 12 with a large bust and curvy butt and thighs. Because she isn't model thin, she bemoans over her body quite a bit and spends a lot of time envious of others, hating her own looks, and doubting her own appeal. Yep, she's got a rocking curvy girl body that many men lust after and yes, she has the evidence of that in the males buzzing around, but it's not enough. Okay, that's a big downer for wanting to read further, but there's more. Sigh...Glory has a fantastic man who loves her and has been basically waiting for her to pull her head out of the sand for several centuries. He not only tells her he loves her, but he shows her. She takes caring and protection to mean that he's overbearing and doesn't respect her even though he has backed off every time she asks aka runs or pitches a snit. She constantly has lusty thoughts about other men and even gets proprietary over them, but he can't even be friendly, helpful, or protective with another female and she gets her freak out going. Less than fifty pages in and she's already whining whole paragraphs about her figure (you know that size 12 awful figure) and she's mad at Blade for having the gall to lover her as she is and she goes all jealous fiancee on Caine because he's with a gal even though she's been with Blade and the thing with Caine is a fake thing for publicity. Yeah, done with Glory.I'm frustrated most of all because the author writes such a wonderful paranormal world full of humor, excitement, and sultry times. There is so much going on around Glory and even Glory has been mostly a fun, engaging heroine, but this other stuff just counteracts all that good.

  • Andie Long
    2018-11-13 01:54

    Oh I've missed Glory. Time to catch up on her stories. This book was excellent. Absolutely adored it. Onto the next.

  • Erica☘
    2018-11-15 19:45

    If you don’t know the story about Glory thus far please allow me to elaborate on her character. Glory St. Claire is a 400 year old vampire who considers herself to be more or less fat. She is envious of some of her other vampire “girlfriends” who are less than a size 10 because she is a size 12 give or take a size or two. Anyway, she has been overtly obsessed with her weight since she was changed way back when. Her on-again, off-again love and maker, Jeremy Blade, thinks she’s perfect. Not to mention her pretend fiancé, rock star Israel Caine, also believes she’s perfect. When Glory hears that a vampire insists he has created a combination of potions that can help a vampire lose weight and keep it off...she jumps at the chance. Her only problem is that he is Jeremy’s family’s enemy. In order to look great for the Grammys on the arm of Ray (Israel Caine), Glory plots and comes up with a plan to get the elixir while keeping Jerry (Jeremy Blade) in the dark. Of course it’s not as simple as she thinks it will be!As always, Gerry Bartlett delivers a light and whimsical storyline that’s guaranteed to make you laugh out loud a time or two. I am on the small side so I can in no way understand what Glory is going through, but her qualms are so realistic while reading you can’t help but to feel sincerely sorry for her and hope that, in the end, she gets exactly what she wants. Of course, it has been rather hectic on her relationship with Jerry because she has been having to pretend to be Ray’s fiancée. While reading I just knew she would have it up to here with the both of them and their constant bickering where she is concerned. The only plus that Ray has is that he wants Glory to be happy no matter what so he will bend over backward to make that happen instead of ordering her around like Jerry does. Join Glory as she races to get the weight off, keep the weight off, and satisfy a siren turned disgusting fish monster all before Grammy night!

  • Joelle
    2018-11-13 20:40

    I enjoyed yet another book by Gerry. Her books are great. They are nice easy reading and you can't help but get caught up in Glory's escapades. This time she finds sometime willing to help her lose weight but he happens to be her lovers greatest enemy. She want's more then once to be thin and is doing what ever in her power to do taking diet supplements and exercising vigorously, drinking blood from a mortal. But she is having side effects from the supplements and crazy dreams that leaves her sleep walking and almost into the sun a few times if not for her body guards. If she keeps this up it just might kill her. But some good side effects have come from this she is awake during the day more and more each day and has seen the sun come up after centuries of going without.As always there are always problems along the way people trying to kill you, your fake lover wanting to be your lover in truth, a jealous Scotsman in your bed and your attraction to you bodyguard Rafe who is a shifter (dog) at the moment but is totally handsome when he is a man. What more could a a vampire ask for lol.

  • CupcakeBlonde
    2018-10-25 19:59

    I was really disappointed in this book. I love Glory and her crazy ways, but in this story she seemed so self-centered and obsessed with how she looked. I know Glory has always been self-conscious about her weight, it's been a running theme in all the books. But making it the main storyline was so pointless. Especially since it did not make her look very good in any light. They never did get to the bottom of why the supplements reacted badly with her. And her constant need to be thinner and thinner really was against what Glory is all about, someone who loves her curves. Plus there was little to no action and the end of the book was a bit anti-climatic. The only good thing is that this book sets up the next book really well as Glory may have to choose between her three suitors. I do like the constant battle between Jerry and Ray (and now Rafe) and how they both like Glory in different ways. She is going to have to choose now that she has set herself apart and alone from them all. Except Rafe, although no longer as her bodyguard she must contend with him in hot guy form.

  • Bec
    2018-10-30 21:56

    This one took me much longer than it should have to finish. Having said that, it wasn't a bad book, it was just a little dragged out. Glory takes her obsession with her weight to new heights. The extra insight into her relationship with Blade was intriguing. It's nice to know that Blade has reasons for being as overprotective as he is. (view spoiler)[ That said, it was nice to see Glory deciding to go it alone for a while. Independent of either of her men.(hide spoiler)]I'll definitely read more of this series, but I agree with Jennifer - I'll be taking a break from the series before I read the next one.

  • EowynRN
    2018-11-08 01:43

    I have really enjoyed the Real Vampires series from Gerry Bartlett, and I especially enjoyed this last one. We are one book closer to the love match that I really want! It's a fun, lighthearted read that any real woman, or vampire book lover will enjoy.The only bone to pick I have with the series is that the main character is so obsessed with her weight and unhappy at a size 12. I, unfortunately would be pleased as punch as a size 12. I understand why she had to be a size 12, probably publishers making her relatable to everyone, but I imagine her a little chunkier.

  • Jennifer
    2018-11-04 23:46

    FINALLY finished this book. I really had a tough time getting through this one and I am not entirely sure why. I am happy with the direction it took in the end - but MAN did it seem like a long ride to get there. Will keep reading the series - but I think I need a break before I dive back in to Glory's world.

  • Nyimah
    2018-11-02 00:07

    Getting a little burned out with the Glory/Blade on and off thing. Liked Ray and Valdez in this session. Out of shear commitment and fellow Texan loyalty I will continue to the next book. :)

  • Kat
    2018-10-28 19:42

    About as shallow as a kiddie pool, but the romance was good :P Light, fluffy reading.

  • Theresa
    2018-10-27 22:41

    I’m not sure I like how this series is going as far as Glory’s relationships, especially with Jerry. She sounds and acts too much like a preteen than a three hundred plus year old vampire. I don’t mind having the main couple have some relationship problems for a few books but eventually I want them to start settling in and begin working against the bad guys as a team. Let the action move the story not the girl’s infidelity. Spoilers below: I’m upset about so much in this, I have to get it out. Glory is still a brainless, pain in the neck. At least she’s finally learning to shield her thoughts and shapeshift. She’s leading on two guys. The competition between the two is complicated, intense and hilarious at the same time. Jerry is dreamy. They have been in love for a long time and he’s wanted to marry her for just as long. He knows her inside and out and loves as she is. if he could just get rid of his mother, he'd be perfect. He’s anxious to ‘stop these games’ and take the next step.Ray is a newly made vampire rock star that she’s mentoring and pretending to be engaged to for the paparazzi. Just until the Grammy’s though. But he wants to make it more permanent also. So she’s ‘sleeping’ with one and sneaking out to see the other. She also is desperate to temporarily lose weight for the Grammy’s curtesy of an ‘unusual’ program that Ian McDonald has invented. Problem is the McDonald clan are ancient enemies of the Campbell’s: Jerry’s clan. And the potions she has to drink have some dangerous side effects. Thoughts: 1)If my ‘pretend’ guy had done that in our bed, I would have stripped the sheets off and laid a big towel down to sleep on and made him sleep on the floor.2)I definitely prefer the Austin vampire scene to the LA one.3)Ian’s ‘mirror’ is ingenious.4) I’m not sure having Valdes is no long on guard duty as a dog, but still ‘with’ Glory is going to be a great idea. Glory needs a break. I need a break. Sigh. Fave scenes: Glory’s red carpet dress fittings, the Grammy awards show runway walk, the arrival of Jerry’s parents and their confrontation with Ian.

  • Joelle
    2018-10-19 02:51

    Real Vampires Hate Their Thighs (Glory St. Clair #5)by Gerry Bartlett 5 starshttp://angelswithattitudebookreviews-...Glory St. Clair loves soaking up Hollywood's vampire nightlife with her sexy Scottish lover, Jeremiah. Especially when she meets a vampire/ diet guru who promises to give her the body she's wanted for centuries. One problem: his clan and Jeremiah's are ancient enemies. But Glory's not about to let a stupid family feud come between her and slender bliss. Yet, she can't help but wonder...how much is she willing to risk for her hips? And how much (and precisely what) is she willing to lose?Paperback, 352 pagesPublished February 2nd 2010 by Berkley Trade (first published December 17th 2009)ISBN0425232239 (ISBN13: 9780425232231)edition languageEnglishMy Thoughts.....I enjoyed yet another book by Gerry. Her books are great. They are nice easy reading and you can't help but get caught up in Glory's escapades. This time she finds sometime willing to help her lose weight but he happens to be her lovers greatest enemy. She want's more then once to be thin and is doing what ever in her power to do taking diet supplements and exercising vigorously, drinking blood from a mortal. But she is having side effects from the supplements and crazy dreams that leaves her sleep walking and almost into the sun a few times if not for her body guards. If she keeps this up it just might kill her. But some good side effects have come from this she is awake during the day more and more each day and has seen the sun come up after centuries of going without.As always there are always problems along the way people trying to kill you, your fake lover wanting to be your lover in truth, a jealous Scotsman in your bed and your attraction to you bodyguard Rafe who is a shifter (dog) at the moment but is totally handsome when he is a man. What more could a a vampire ask for lol.

  • Stephanie Bolen
    2018-10-29 23:09

    I get that Glory has been a size 12 for a very long time. But the lengths she was willing to go to lose a little weight was unbelievable. No one makes her feel inferior about her weight in the book, Blade loves her curves and so does Caine, Flo is never anything but complimentary even Blade's mother and Mira make more of a issue over her low birth than her size. So why would she practically kill herself to lose 30 or so pounds. I'm a size 16, I weigh 235 lbs and I never ever complain about losing weight. I'm proud of the fact that I'm fat, it took a lot of work to get here. All that lovely food didn't magically eat itself, and I sacrificed years of exercise to read a book instead. So could every author who is going to write about a character that is a big girl, could you not her see her weight as a problem--that'd be great. We have enough problems with finding a bra that looks pretty and fits; guys talking about taking one for the team or doing us a favor when they talk about having sex with us; having well meaning people who think that our weight is a problems and offer us solutions on how to "be healthier"; having doctors tell us the solution is to lose weight for everything wrong with us from migraines to infertility; and having people try to tear us down to make themselves feel better. We don't need you telling us that your character hates her body every third paragraph. We spend our lives fighting the battle of self image and more than I like think about lose it. Many of us let a number on a scale determine our mood, our pride, our sexuality, and our view of the world. Instead how about allowing your character to go on and on about how fabulous her boobs and butt are, how luxurious her hair is, how soft her skin, oh does that make for a bad book. Yet, telling me again and again that she doesn't like how fat she is is somehow better.

  • Archer
    2018-10-26 01:40

    From: http://www.fantasticfiction.co.uk/b/g...Glory St. Clair loves soaking up Hollywood's vampire nightlife with her sexy Scottish lover, Jeremiah. Especially when she meets a vampire/ diet guru who promises to give her the body she's wanted for centuries. One problem: his clan and Jeremiah's are ancient enemies. But Glory's not about to let a stupid family feud come between her and slender bliss. Yet, she can't help but wonder...how much is she willing to risk for her hips? And how much (and precisely what) is she willing to lose?The Review:I have enjoyed the series so far. I've told others that it was refreshing to see a normal sized Vampire for a change and how the author didn't stick with the rail-thin model stereotype so often used to portray a strong and independent female character. So when I stumbled upon this series it was nice to see the same kinds of issues that your average woman has, money problems, romance issues, and career decisions. Having said that, I was actually disappointed in this book. Seriously, why did it have to become a book about diets? Aside from that, the other characters where far too detached from the issues at hand, which was totally out of character for them. Glory’s “the end justifies the means” demeanor just didn't feel like the Vampire I’d grown to know and love. With the action of the Grammy's and the family feud going on, it made the story’s backdrop more interesting. I do look forward to seeing how the conflict plays out in future books. Also, with Valdez now off the clock, it's going to be fun to see how Glory and Rafe’s relationship develops from here.

  • Darcy
    2018-11-10 01:00

    Glory is back and her life is just as complicated as ever. This time around she is in LA for the week before the Grammy's with Ray, pretending to be his fiance, all the while her on/off relationship with Jerry Blade is on, and he is having a hard time controlling his jealousy against Ray. After a chance encounter at a vampire bar Glory meets a vampire that claims he can help them loose weight, something that is just not possible, the only thing is the man is a sworn enemy of Jerry's clan. The week gets crazy as Glory tries the weight loss remedy while keeping Jerry in the dark with who is providing the solution, trying to keep distance from Ray when she realizes she loves him too, and competing in a reality dress show. Oh, and then there is the little changes going on with her bodyguard, the always funny Valdez, usually a labradoodle, but spending more and more time in human form. The complications just keep a coming. In the end Glory stays true to herself, but leaves all her options open.Glory is such a fun character that I love reading these books and can't wait for the next one!!

  • Alex
    2018-11-05 21:46

    This was definitely my favorite book in the series! Glory has really grown on me. The first few books in this series were a bit boring, as they focused on nothing but Glory waking up at night and taking care of her shop. The last two books have finally given her a life! I love that these books take place in Austin, but the change of scenery to LA this time around was very refreshing. I was dying to know what was going on with the supplements, and (view spoiler)[I'm annoyed that we didn't get a concrete answer. Was he poisoning Glory or not!? I'm also so over Jeremy Blade. I liked him at first, but I would definitely kick him to the curb for good now. I did like her with Ray, but I don't think that pairing will be happening. The ending strongly hinted at her getting together with Valdez, which I find utterly creepy. He was your dog for years.... gross!(hide spoiler)]I was looking forward to reading the next book and then realized my library doesn't carry anymore of them. They have the first 5 books but no other ones. Argh! I hope I can track them down at some point.

  • Lynne Bridges
    2018-11-13 02:06

    Ok...My review contains some spoilers SOOO if you don't wanna know, don't read.First off...I LOVE Blade. I think he is a good guy and that he really loves Glory. Do I think Glory should be with him forever? I don't know. I think what she did to him in this book is seriously F**KED up in so many ways. Cheat on him? NO. Get mad when he brings Mara to the wedding? HELL NO! Sometimes Glory's thought process is a little off. "How could he bring HER?" which is exactly what she thought when she should be thinking, "Serves me right!" What she did was a heck of a lot worse. Any ways....moving on.Rafe. Poor reliable, sexy, smokin hot Rafe. While Glory shouldn't have cheated, I DO think something is there. I think that he understands Glory a lot better that anyone else. I alos think Glory needs to learn a little more about him so that she can love him the way that she should. Demon girl needs to back up off. I also hope Westwood gets his fangs ripped out. That is all.

  • Kristin
    2018-10-31 23:51

    I'm giving this one 4 stars instead of the usual 3 because it was my favorite Glory St. Clair book so far. I don't know what it was exactly, but I really liked the change of scenery (from Austin to L.A.) and Glory's attempts to balance her fake engagement with her real relationship. Moving the setting helped open up the vampire world a lot too - it was good to see that there is paranormal activity outside of Austin. Another great change was how much more fun Valdez was in this book. Also, what overweight girl wouldn't like a plot that involves a gal who literally cannot lose weight finding a way to finally do so while oodles of hot men tell her she is sexy as she is? Exactly. And the ending left me greatly anticipating the next book instead of just mildly looking forward to it. So hooray for Glory.

  • Martina the Book Fairy
    2018-11-13 03:03

    This is a light-hearted UF series that reads more like PNR. This series is for you if you like Michele Bardsley, Katie MacAlister, Dakota Cassidy, Lynsay Sands, MaryJanice Davidson and others of their ilk. When Glory is offered a chance to shed the extra pounds she's been carrying around for 400+ years, of course she's going to go for it! Never mind that the inventor of this fabulous liquid diet is the ancient enemy of Jeremiah's (her on-again, off-again boyfriend & maker) clan. But, with crazy side-effects like sleep walking . . . into sunlight. . . will Glory even live to see those size 6 jeans she's been promised? I really enjoyed this book! A few of the more recent ones in the series were more "ho-hum" but this one regains the feel that I had for the first couple. It's a hit! And I can't wait for the next in the series that'll be out next month (Dec 2010).

  • Heather
    2018-11-05 02:53

    Loved it!! I love the tension between Glory, Ray, Valdez, and Blade. You never know which way she is going to go or what trouble she is going to find herself in next. I can't believe that she left both Ray and Blade in LA, but I can't wait to read the next one and see what comes of her and Rafe. I'm torn and I don't know who I want to see her end up with. Is it wrong to want to see her have all three? I'm glad that she is going back to her normal size. I am SO tired of super skinny is the way to be. Why does everything come down to size. Glory learned to like her body the way she is, and the men in her life love it too. I need to take a page from her book. Off to read Real Vampires Have More to Love.

  • Nikki
    2018-11-05 02:06

    Glory St. Clair loves soaking up Hollywood's vampire nightlife with her sexy Scottish lover, Jeremiah. Especially when she meets a vampire/ diet guru who promises to give her the body she's wanted for centuries. One problem: his clan and Jeremiah's are ancient enemies. But Glory's not about to let a stupid family feud come between her and slender bliss. Yet, she can't help but wonder...how much is she willing to risk for her hips? And how much (and precisely what) is she willing to lose? in this book my thoughts were all over the place in the end I was starting to think Glory was turning mortal again or could she get pregnant with all the side effects. I couldn't put the book down I was so engulfed by the story! Loved it!

  • Book Review Diva
    2018-11-14 21:58

    Gerry Bartlett 's “Book 5: “ "Real Vampires Hate Their Thighs" Real Vampires Hate Their Thighs is a funny, sassy, sexy, and sharp read. The central character Glory will do anything to lose wight, even if it means putting her relationships, or ultimately her life in danger. Glory St. Clair is as hilarious as she is sassy. The interplay between the moxie of a sexy vampire that has to deal with mortal issues, like her weight, is very entertainng! I look forward to reading more of Gerry Bartlett's books. 5 Fangs out of 5!Reviewed by: Raven Kelly- VampireBooks.caClick Here to Visit VampireBooks.ca

  • Dianne
    2018-11-11 20:00

    It was nice to see the main character show a bit of backbone in this book. For all intents and purposes Glory is irrational in her thought processes. Whether it's consciously making bad decisions, or going off on the men in her life to just prove a point to herself, she just goes overboard. But I guess that's one of her quirks. I find myself not wanting to like Glory, but rooting for her anyway. I do think the supporting cast of characters make this book what it is. Florence and Valdez lend a lot of humor to the story. I did enjoy Valdez's ability to shift to his human form in this book. He is literally the "underdog" in the race to Glory's heart, but I like a good underdog story.

  • Kel (Faerie-bookworm)
    2018-10-18 22:57

    Oh how I love Glory. I liked the fact that this book didn't have someone trying to kill her but there was still some intrigue as to what was going to happen next. Ian was interesting and I was expecting him to be into the family feud but I didn't expect the outcome. It was also nice to learn more about Jerry, Glory's maker and lover. It will be interesting to see what becomes of Ray (separate series??). All around great series so far and love the fact that Glory doesn't have the normal model thin body like most main female characters (although I would love to fit into a size 12 again *sigh*). Can't wait to read the next one.

  • Margaret
    2018-11-16 23:59

    Product Description Glory St. Clair loves soaking up Hollywood's vampire nightlife with her sexy Scottish lover, Jeremiah. Especially when she meets a vampire/ diet guru who promises to give her the body she's wanted for centuries. One problem: his clan and Jeremiah's are ancient enemies. But Glory's not about to let a stupid family feud come between her and slender bliss. Yet, she can't help but wonder...how much is she willing to risk for her hips? And how much (and precisely what) is she willing to lose?About the Author Gerry Bartlett is a native Texan and lives halfway between Houston and Galveston.

  • Shelley
    2018-11-17 22:58

    400 year old vampire and shop owner Glory St. Clare, has a small problem with her weight. She's a size 12, and wants to be a size 6. Ian Campbell, another old vampire, comes along at exactly the right moment for Glory with a revolutionary formula just for vampires. She's going to be going to the Grammy Awars with her rock star "boyfriend) Israel Caine, and wants to look good. As she starts taking the supplements, she wakes up and sees the sun for the first time in 400 years. Glory juggles her two men in her life (Jeremiah, the vampire who turned her and won't let her go), and rock star Caine. It that doesn't wet your whistle, Glory's bodyguard Valdez is a hunky monkey as well.

  • Mem
    2018-11-04 19:55

    Glory is in Hollywood to mentor Israel "Ray" Caine, a recently turned vampire, who is a singer. Ray is up for a Grammy so Glory is pretending to be his fiance so she can be close enough to be his mentor.Glory's maker and love interest, Blade, is not happy that Ray and Glory are living together.Glory's size 12 figure is not the current desired look, but being a vampire she can not change by dieting or exercising. She wakes every day to the figure she she had when Blade made her a vampire 400 yrs ago.Now there is a vampire who claims to have a special product that makes it possible for vampires to loose weight. How can Glory resist?

  • Robin Higgins
    2018-11-06 20:45

    Just finished the 5th in this series. It was great. I'm envious of having such hunks around. I won't spoil the who's of that, but a buffet of buffed men.... yeah, I'd be the same as Glory. lol. I like the humor and the characters. This book focused on Jerry and Ray but also we got to meet some of Jerry's family. It was good! Definitely recommend this book to anyone. The fact that Glory does do the diet and does end up shedding a few pounds is great. Share in the pain of exercising and the world of pain it shares. Can't wait for the next one to come out!

  • Jan
    2018-10-23 03:40

    Glory is back. This time she is on her way to the Grammy's on the arm of her pretend fiance. When she discovers that there might be a way to lose weight for the occasion, she is ready to give up almost anything to do it. Hmmm, what to say. I always love Glory. She is a great character and lots of fun. There was not as much action in this book as the others and it seemed to be a bit all over the place. But it all sort of makes sense at the end. Still good but not my favorite in the series. If there were 1/2 stars this would be a 3.5.

  • Maraya21 (The Reading Dragon)
    2018-10-22 02:51

    2.5 starsEven though I enjoyed the previous books this one didn't do it for me. There was too much whining and self doubt and just throwing logic and reason out the window. In total: 90% whining, 10% interesting things - character development - plot moving forward even to the smallest degree. Every person has self doubts and self image issues but this was beyond anything I've ever encountered. And I'm diagnosed with clinical depression! Anyway really hoping the series will pick up.